Serenity

SERENITY


Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?










Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'







The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.







I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.








I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.







An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'







My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.







Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.







It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.







These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'









THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.






Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing

Ignorance

I am shocked and disgusted at all the ignorance and the immaturity that is left in this world today. I have made it a point to apologize for what someone else placed on this blog (that has a password change and a no co writer change.) I have also deleted the thing that caused all the trouble. I am also checking on the past posts to removed such things. I missed this immature thing due to the fact that I have more important things in my life to take care of than something as trivial as a online blog.

To the ones who has NICELY pointed out the post, thank you. You know me well enough to know that I do not care who our president is just as long as he does as better job that Bush. Even thought I really wanted a woman in the house, I will take what ever I can get as long as it is not BUSH or anyone like him! To the ones who not so nicely pointed this out to me, personally attacked me and miss judged me I would also like to say thank you. I really don't give a shit if you think I am a obese swine, because I know I am not. My own opinion is what matters, not what you think of me.

Now to close this out, if there is anything else I can do for you, please write to me and let me know. Rudeness will be ignored. Now please have a nice fucking day and if this is not good enough for you then you can go fuck yourselves.

I want to take a moment to let everyone know that I had a co writer on this blog but since some things that should not of been posted was posted I have removed said person and so it is now just me. I am also going to spend the next few days going back over said blog posts to make sure nothing else like that has been entered. That is disgraceful and shameful and should of never of been placed here. So if anyone was offended I apologies and steps are being taken to correct this mistake.

thank you for your time and understanding.
Ashlie

Okay, this one is different - this is funny. YOU fill in the blanks
about ME and send it back to ME. But FIRST send a blank one out to all
your friends, including me, so we can return the favor to you. Be honest..
They're really SCARY to get back. It only takes a few minutes, so just
do it! First send (forward) this survey to everyone you know to see how
well he or she knows you. Second, hit 'reply' and fill this survey out
about the person who sent it to you and send it back to them.

Where did we meet? _______________________________________

Take a stab at my middle name?______________________________

Do I speak a second language?_________________________

Am I a cat lover or dog lover?_____________________

Do I smoke?_____________ _____________________

Color of my eyes?:_________________________________________

Do I have any siblings?___________________________________

What's one of my favorite things to do?_______________________

What's my favorite type of music?:_____________________________

Am I taller than you?_________________________

Am I shy or outgoing?__________

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?____________________________

What is my birth month?___________________

Do I want to see a woman or man as next president? _________

I am a member of which political party?_____________________

Am I Liberal? Moderate? or Conservative?__________________

Have you ever heard me sing?__________________

How many children do I have?____________________________

Have we taken photographs together?_____

When is the last time you saw me?_____________

When will I see you again?__________________

Have we ever had a falling out?_____________

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one
thing that I would bring? ______________________________________

Am I right handed or left handed?_________________________

What type of work do I do?________________________

I can't wait to see the answers!

from Newport Independent site

Will Pfeifer: Ledger’s terrifying Joker gives Batman sequel jolt of energy

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Photo by WARNER BROS.
Heath Ledger played the Joker in “The Dark Knight.”">

By WARNER BROS.

Heath Ledger played the Joker in “The Dark Knight.”

Photos

Photo by None
Rockford columnist Will Pfeifer">

By Will Pfeifer

GateHouse News Service

Fri Dec 12, 2008, 02:40 PM CST

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Story Tools: Email This | Print This

As a comic book fan, I’m (a) excited when a superhero movie gets made, (b) thrilled when it’s good and (c) ecstatic when it’s great.

I don’t have many occasions to feel option (c), but I did last summer when I saw a screening of “The Dark Knight,” now on DVD. Building on the solid foundation of 2005’s “Batman Begins,” this movie spreads its wings (sorry) and tells an even better story. With Batman’s origin out of the way, the fun can really begin.

Of course, the fun this time around revolves around the nightmarish antics of the Joker. Only a year younger than Batman (he debuted in comics in 1940), the Joker is his perfect adversary.
While Batman is all about restoring order, the Joker is all about creating chaos. Why? For no good reason, of course. That’s part of the chaos. The weakest element of “Batman Begins” was its rather bland villains. That is definitely not a problem here.

Critics raved about (the late) Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker, and for good reason. He’s the glue that holds this movie together, the single element that puts everything else in motion. It’s no coincidence that director Christopher Nolan opens the movie with a bank robbery orchestrated by the Joker, and as his psychotically brilliant plan unfolds (and the bodies of his associates pile up), we’re unnerved by how deranged the Joker appears to be (this isn’t Jack Nicholson’s Joker, to say nothing of Cesar Romero’s), but we can’t help but admire his twisted brilliance.

And that’s just for openers. Throughout the film, Ledger creates a character with some obviously disturbing depths, but he doesn’t reveal what’s lurking at the bottom. His ever-changing origin story is funny, but it’s creepy, too. Few things are scarier than an unknowable monster, and when the end credits roll, we know nothing more about the Joker than we did at the beginning.

But “The Dark Knight” is more than just the Joker. Christian Bale is back as Batman, along with Michael Caine (reliable butler Alfred), Morgan Freeman (loyal aide Lucius Fox) and Gary Oldman (conflicted cop Jim Gordon). They’re all excellent (though I wish Bale would drop the growl he uses as Batman), and they get fine support from newcomers Aaron Eckhart (district attorney Harvey Dent) and Maggie Gyllenhaal (Bruce Wayne’s flame Rachel Dawes, replacing Katie Holmes).

Besides Bale (and, of course, Ledger), the real star here is Nolan, who brings the same bracing intelligence and knack for filmmaking that he delivered in “Memento” and “The Prestige,” two of the best movies of the past 10 years. “The Dark Knight” has a sumptuous visual style, with Gotham painted in bold black and blue, a city threatened by darkness even in the middle of the day.

But it’s the writing that stays with you, a rare superhero script that delivers more than mere movie thrills. “The Dark Knight” (which Nolan wrote with his brother, Jonathan) is actually about something.

The movie ends on a note that’s downbeat and thrilling: Batman has to make a sacrifice for the greater good, and no one can know about it. As the credits role, he’s a villain in the eyes of everyone in Gotham and the city’s greatest hero. I have no idea what’s coming in the next Batman movie, but I can’t wait to find out.

Heart Burn

Heartburn is a painful, burning sensation in the esophagus, just under the breastbone, that occurs after eating or at night. The pain often rises in the chest and radiates to the neck and throat. Caused by the regurgitation of gastric acid into the esophagus, heartburn is the most common symptom of gastroesophageal reflux disease, also known as GERD. However, unlike occasional heartburn, GERD is a more serious condition that causes consistent heartburn for extended periods of time and often affects the quality of a person’s daily life.

Everyone experiences heartburn at some time or another, whether it’s triggered by spicy foods or eating a large meal. However, for people who suffer from GERD, heartburn occurs much more frequently—often 2 or more times a week, lasting up to 3 months or longer.

In addition to seeking medical help, changes in habit and lifestyle can also help reduce the occurrence of heartburn. Common preventative measures include: • Avoid lying down after eating or within 2 or 3 hours of bedtime • Elevate the head of the bed 4 to 6 inches • Quit smoking/using tobacco products • Eat smaller, more frequent meals • Lose weight if overweight • Avoid aspirin and most pain medicines (other than acetaminophen) Avoiding the following foods may also help reduce heartburn: • Coffee, tea and other caffeinated beverages • Mint products, such as peppermint, spearmint, etc. • Alcohol • Carbonated beverages, citrus and fruit juices • Chocolate • Fried or fatty foods • Tomato sauce, ketchup, mustard and vinegar

While one of the simplest treatments of heartburn/GERD is a change in lifestyle, other options range from over-the-counter antacids that neutralize stomach acid to prescribed medications that reduce acid regurgitation or block acid production. In more severe cases, surgery may be necessary to tighten the esophagus/stomach barrier. If you’ve been experiencing consistent heartburn for an extended period of time, it’s a good idea to talk to your doctor. Take the first step to getting the help you need by filling out the Evaluation Assessment below to determine the severity of your condition and the treatment options available to you.

Click on the text below to see where this information comes from.
End Heart Burn Pain [dot] Com

What in the hell?

For those who have served on jury.. this one is something to think about... Just when you think you have heard everything!! 

Do you like to read a good murder mystery? Not even Law and Order would attempt to capture this mess. This is an unbelievable twist of fate!!!! ..

 

 At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, (AAFS) President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story: 

On March 23, 1994...... the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus, and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide.. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned. 

The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun! The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife, and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus. When one intends to kill subject 'A' but kills 
subject 'B' in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject 'B.' When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant, and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded. The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded. 

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. 

It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. 

Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus. 

Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. 

The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself. So the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide. 

A true story from Associated Press